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What Does It Take To Have A Fulfilling Sex Life?

Mind-Body Connection to Your SEXY BEST FRIEND.

Couples come to me often without fully understanding what’s going on in their marriage.  Their earth-shattering sex life is a thing of the past.  They don’t know when or how they lost it, but they know it’s gone.  They know that talking only makes things worse.  Having sex out of duty is dull in comparison.   More than anything, they fear they will never get their sexy best friend back, nor be the lover their partner desires.  They feel lonely in their relationship.


Men generally become flooded with emotions when their wives criticize them.  They withdraw, go silent, or stonewall in order to soothe themselves and “protect” the relationship.  This feels so hurtful to you. Wives wonder what is taking you so long to come back to me.  The more he withdraws, the more you complain and criticize. The more you complain and criticize, the more he withdraws. It’s a pattern that causes disconnection between lovers or sexy best friends.

Women, it’s not that he doesn’t love you or that you aren’t good enough, he does not know how to calm down, soothe, or regulate his intense emotions when he feels shame or inadequacy.  If you’re a Boy Mom, or if you have ever paid attention to little boys, you know they have tantrums that can last a long time.  (I can hear my daughter getting on me about naming the “sexes”.  I am, however, speaking of heterosexual relationships or masculine and feminine).   Women, generally, can tolerate more distress in the relationship before becoming flooded.  Women repair much quicker and are ready to play, much like when they were little girls.

And then there’s the point where you’re doing the lion’s share of housework, work, taking care of the children, helping aging parents, supporting your husband’s dreams and then sex is just off the table.  How can you summon the energy or desire to please him when you envy his life? He travels for work, there isn’t the budget for maid-service, and he refuses to be curious about ways he can help with the family and life you have both created.

He still wants to “make love” to you as a way of connecting, but you long for the casual cuddling and caressing.  You crave to be touched all over your body for the pleasure of it and for connection.  You feel this is intimacy and the prerequisite to sexual closeness.

Please be considerate and learn and use your wife’s cues to her saying, “YES!”

You will need to integrate your lives and spend more time at home to solve your martial problems.


I love when my couples have done the work in sessions and at home and can get to the point where they can escape to a resort or hotel for a weekend to reconnect.  You both commit to being unplugged and present to each other for up to 16 hours in one day.  Your phones are off and it is just the two of you. You both are present and sharing what you or she needs from the other.  Your focus is this – you are my lover, you are my life partner, you, alone, are my SEXY BEST FRIEND.  I am turning to you to let you know what I need from you in this committed relationship.  You are allowed to make love, shower, and enjoy some room service, but you are staying awake, conscious, and attentive to each other’s facial expressions, body language and words.  You even meditate to deepen the connection. Think of this as a blueprint for getting your contract renewed each year at your anniversary.

You both might also consider Stephen Covey’s (author of “Seven Habits of Highly Effective People”) calendar system where you identify your family’s mission statement and make sure the daily and weekly events align with your core values.  This means you are supporting each other with the “To Do List” and creating dreams/goals for your children in the short-term and long-term.  I love 1-2-3 Magic as a self-help for parenting.

Please also consider an Appreciation Journal that is left on each night stand.  Catch something you appreciate about your partner that day and write it in the journal so that they are able to read it at any point. You are changing your focus to finding the positive instead of the negative.  Whichever you seek, you will find.  Remember, our internal negative thoughts, or our view of our partner or the relationship, aids our connection or disconnection to our SEXY BEST FRIEND.


The hottest, Heaven on Earth, deeply connected sex happens when two people feel safe, calm, and Breathe – AS ONE with their SEXY BEST FRIEND.  When two people feel they matter to the other, that they are seen and understood and valued as worthy even in vulnerable times, they are a beautiful source of love and energy in this world.  Their children, families and friends are blessed and so are future generations.  This couple has worked through some challenging times, and has the magic pill to repair quickly after conflict or miscommunication to get their SEXY BEST FRIEND back.



If you are feeling lonely in your relationship, you are at high risk for an affair.  It will take commitment and the skill and experience of an Emotionally Focused Couple Therapist to help you learn your pattern, have healing conversations and meditation that lead to a mind-body connection.  I’d love to help you get there to reconnect with your SEXY BEST FRIEND. Give me a call at (215) 532-1548 or email me at [email protected] for personalized help.

Linda Hobbs MSS, MBA, LCSW, RYT is a Mind-Body Spirit Wellness Educator and an Emotionally Focused Couple Therapist in Durham, NC.  She uniquely integrates the ancient wisdom tradition of meditation with scientific, evidenced-based psychotherapy to help couples connect and Breathe – As One.