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Mind-Body Connection to Get Your Sexy Best Friend Back

Lonely & Disconnected Reconnects with Sexy Best Friend

I worry about people who have sexless marriages.

If you and your person have decided on a no sex marriage, that’s fine.  If, however, one partner wants sexual connection and the other doesn’t, please read on.

It’s hard to believe, but over 50% of couples are dissatisfied with their sex life.   The first decade of marriage will find most couples physically connecting once a week.  But when I ask the man how many times a week he would like to connect, he will say 5 times a week and she will say 2-3 times per week, in general.

Marriage conflict and problems communicating make great sex a thing of the past.  The honeymoon stage, when you were automatically turned on by your partner, lasted the first 6 months to 2 years, if you were lucky.

There are about 7% of couples who create hot sexy love regularly.

It is no wonder that many couples feel lonely and disconnected and want their sexy best friend back.


Resentment builds when what once was a place of mutual sexual healing, is now just a place where you take care of him, and just want him to be done so you can sleep.

Couples even disagree about the use of pornography. While some enjoy viewing as foreplay, some see it as their husband’s mistress, and feel betrayed.  He feels it’s easier and less complicated.

Whether you are aware or not, you become less engaged and less curious about all the ways to please her.  You don’t desire her the same – and often complain about what once was so satisfying.  There’s a third person, or more, in the relationship.  She feels it.  It hurts.  She can’t compete. She won’t.

Then add the work of the kiddos, finances, houses, and illness, with women generally doing the lion’s share of the housework, and tending to aging parents – and it leaves little time, energy or desire to connect with your sexy best friend, let alone tap into your feminine erotica.  Self-care…how – and when?   Now that feels like it could be sexy.

Disconnected lovers are connected to their smart phones while one is longing for “it” while the other plays sick – “I have such a headache.”


There’s sexual dysfunction – she never initiates, he feels unwanted, and rejected when she doesn’t make their intimacy a priority.

Females say desire and interest precedes sexual activity.  In actuality, sexual arousal ignites as a result of sexual activity.  Imagine how your bodies might respond if you try sleeping nude holding each other close.

Couples masturbate – alone – often…even at work.

Intimacy is so very important in every marriage or relationship.  Disconnected couples find reasons – work, kids, volunteer, girls’ night out, to avoid each other on a sexual level.  Feelings of rejection and sexual dissatisfaction often trump trying to make an intimate connection.

Men have affairs (with women) to stay in the marriage or relationship while women have affairs (with men or other women) to leave the marriage or relationship.  Women’s sexual desire, however, increases when they feel their partner might be having an affair.  The suggestion is to make love to your husband before someone else does.  I know – the worse fear, him sharing what is supposed to be for only you.

Libido also increases when there is a desire to have a baby. On the flip side, babies can kill sexual desire.

Some couples are faced with healing from sexual violence or abuse – which takes a lifetime.

Cardiovascular Disease, Diabetes, excessive abuse of alcohol consumption, Substance Use and Abuse, low testosterone, stress, unresolved conflict, and financial issues all contribute to low sexual desire and sexless marriages.

Men in their 30’s and 40’s are plagued with Erectile Dysfunction.  There really is a pill or Hydromax to help the physical process.  Talk to your Urologist.

Connection via sex is often a barometer of the state of affairs in a marriage or relationship.

Men and women who live in sexless marriages feel frustrated, unloved, undesirable, unattractive – and most of all – they feel lonely.

Symptoms of loneliness increases vascular receptance, elevated blood pressure and leads to an early grave.

People are more likely to die from loneliness than from obesity or excessive alcohol consumption.

Someone may be having sex with your husband if you’re not having sex with him.

Men cheat to remain in a sexless marriage, in general, while women tend to cheat to leave a sexless marriage. Women are cheating with other men or other women. Online passion via sexting and texting (even with stay-at-home Moms) is taking over marriages and relationships everywhere.


Couples often ask me the question, “What does it take to have a fulfilling sex life?”

Healthy couples can have a great sex life well into their 80’s and 90’s!

Sexual connection is good for you.

Sex is healthy even though it gets a bad rap.

Get ready to set a sexless marriage on fire by increasing your flexibility, strength, stamina and blood flow: Workout, drink water, and eat clean, healthy balanced meals daily.

Yoga and meditation, jogging and walking intervals, strength training (i.e., squats, planks, TRX system) and an appointment with your Primary Care Physician and a nutritionist will go far.

If you experience vaginal dryness from contraception pills, breast feeding, peri-menopause and post-menopause – there are treatments for you.  Ask your Gynecologist about organic coconut oil, Uberlube Silicone Lubricant, BioMoi Silicone Vaginal Dilator with BiCote Protection and Jade Yoni Eggs to strengthen the pelvic floor.

Make your spouse a priority by paying more attention to them than to your smart phone.

Spend more time in the bedroom than at work.  Be sure that the bedroom is clutter free, try purple or red lights, candles, and aromatherapy (ylang ylang mixed with lavender or sage are my favorites).  The bedroom is for sleeping and intimacy.

When is the last time you treated yourself to new white linen and a white down/downlike comforter for your bed?

Go to bed at the same time every night.  Meal prep is your friend.  When the children are asleep at 8:30 p.m., it’s date night!

Make an appointment with a Marriage Counselor who focuses on Sexual Health and Connection.


Address mental health issues – proactively.

Establish guidelines that you live by to handle moments when you experience strong chemistry with someone outside of your marriage or relationship.

Your brain is your largest sex organ.  Fantasy is key.  A great sex toy helps as well.

Play, have fun, and settle marital arguments in the bedroom – naked.  Breathe.  As One.


If you still need help reconnecting with your sexy best friend, I’d love to help you get there. Give me a call at (215) 532-1548 or email me at [email protected] for personalized help.